Dating again after the damage of almost unbearable heartbreak.
We all know the type of person- much like a tornado that falls from the bluest of skies and unsuspectingly sucks you in, only to spit you out broken and emotionally battered and bruised. Hell, until eight years ago, when I met my karmic payback, I WAS the metaphorical tornado. So, of all people, I understand that this type of person preys on the unsuspecting. Of course, I didn’t prey on the weaker links, I am just afflicted with whatever causes extreme boredom, and then nausea. Either way, when I felt the devastation I had been unintentionally doling out, one thing is for sure- a dose of my own medicine is a bitter pill to swallow. But why confess my evil doings? Because it deems me the consummate authority on this topic.
So how do you identify the tornado type that walk among us like ordinary men and women?
If you talk to anyone who has fallen victim to their prey, they will probably tell you that, while they were in the eye of the storm… I mean… Relationship…. They didn’t see the signs- but now that they fell clear of the tornado type persons stranglehold, looking back, it’s as clear as day. They’ll probably go on to tell you that they are angered with themselves for missing it. But isn’t it true that we see what we want to see?
For example, I have a hard time seeing the text messages on my phone without glasses. The other day I was waiting for a message to come through that would hopefully deliver favorable news to me that I considered highly unlikely. Imagine my surprise when the message I deemed as favorable arrived. Per the message, I drove 25 miles to my destination to complete the task at hand. When I arrived, the other person involved, looked at me like I was nuts. They asked me why I came all the way out there, and asked if I read my messages. When I told my friend that I did and that’s why I’m there. Confused, they told me to reread the message. I did just that. Imagine my shock at the human psyche when the message revealed what I initially assumed it would- opposite of what I wanted- and read it to be. I wanted it so bad that I seen what I wanted to see. So, you see, the human mind is a tricky and powerful thing. You could have a tornado type on your hands, and when you look at this person that you want to be your soul mate, you can easily miss the bad and only see the good- and that good, may not even be there at all.
Telltale signs you’ve got a tornado type in your life.
1. Listen close to what family and friends say about them (if you’ve gotten to the point of integrating the two). If they issue a warning, take heed. But be cautious- often family and friends don’t want you to be stolen away with an all consuming love. They want your love and affection directed their way, even if only on a subconscious level. So hear them, take it seriously and pay close attention for any variable that raises a red flag to them. We all know, it’s much easier to see clearly from the outside looking in.
2. When you’re together, is it all about them, or do they take Interest in you too? When they talk, do they ask questions about you? If so, do they remember what you say? For example, if they ask how many kids you have or what your favorite meal is, and the next night they ask you the same question, you may have a tornado type. This kind of person tends to be selfish and will typically tune out anything not benefitting or about them in some way. However, they master going through the motions, so test them to see if they paid attention. A person who is morally sound and into you will remember what you say.
3. Are they sneaky about their phone? Does it go off a lot when you’re together? Tornado types are notoriously run-arounds. They always keep a few on the line, in case you fall through. This doesn’t apply to all of them, but the majority of the genre is this way (my karmic payback did NOT partake in womanizing behavior. In fact that was the only thing I never worried about, so non-players do exist in this bunch, so this isn’t always a fool proof telltale).
4. Are they unrevealing about their past or are they open and honest? A tornado type wants you to be unsuspecting prey. And if you know the skeletons in their closet, the gig would be up.
5. Do they disappear? Break plans? Show up late? Tornado types are VERY unreliable and inconsiderate.
6. Do they seem to have a lot on their mind, sometimes, to the point of having difficulty keeping a train of thought? Tornado types juggle a lot of variables that they can’t articulate to anyone, and when you practice life this way, it’s hard to keep all the lies straight. So your mind becomes a variable mess.
7. Do you catch them in white lies that really have no relevance when the truth wouldn’t have upset you at all? When you lie so much, the truth becomes blurred. And in order to manipulate, the truth must often be concealed.
8. Do they believe their own lies?
9. Are they charismatic to an extreme? When you’re out, do they attract the attention of strangers who seem to be captivated and intrigued by them? This is not your tornado type exercising their ability to ‘talk to anyone’- this is due to this type of person being notoriously likable to the unsuspecting stranger. They give off a confident, easy going air, appearing to really have their life in order. And sometimes their life is in order, but most often anything they have a hand in is messy and dramatic- this especially applies to women in this genre.
But what if you’re in love with a tornado type and you want to try to make it work?
Just remember, a leopard doesn’t change its spots. And know that a sheep in a wolf’s clothes is not nearly as likable as a wolf in a sheep’s clothes. Why? Because the wolf gets exceptionally diligent at concealing their agenda, so they seem to be the sweetest person alive- where as the sheep has nothing to hide, so what you see is what you get, and if they are having a bad day it will be written all over them. The wolf can deal with disaster, because they’re so used to it, and three minutes later, they can pull it together as if they just came from a meeting where they learned they inherited a million dollars.
Tips and tricks to finesse the tornado type and be a control (at least the slightest bit).
1. Remember that people like people- that are like them. Mirror movement, tonality and attitude. They’ll be thinking there’s something about you they like but they can’t quite put their finger on it. But beware, you’re dealing with a master manipulator that likely knows this trick. Be subtle, very subtle.
2. Give them a dose of their own medicine. If they’re often late, be late often. Talk to strangers. Have a nonchalant attitude about your connection.
3. Be a challenge that’s quick to bail if they don’t walk the line. This type is notoriously a bad loser. They want what they can’t have, and obtaining that will deem them as a winner in that twisted mind of theirs. They often are gratified when their prey is heartbroken over them. It validates them in their little world that they are good enough for someone to sulk over their loss.
4. Look good. Always. This type is superficial and likes attractive people- but they often date those a bit less attractive than them. It’s easier to take control of the relationship if you’re the better looking one- and the the same rings true if their prey is captivated by their beauty.
By all means, keep your eyes peeled with this one. Watch for signs of them losing interest and do something to regain control. Often, to try to hold onto a tornado, is a lost battle before the war begins. But, lord knows, it’s happened. Good luck.
You’ve been spit out broken by a tornado type- how do you get past it?
Truthfully, I’m still on the process of determining that since ending things with my karmic payback. One thing is for sure- do not go back to them in a moment of weakness. Odds are they’ll resurface for one reason or another. Once they learn they can catch you again, you’re in trouble. And this type tends to be like cryptonite for those who love them. They tend to have a charm no one else possess. That charm is manipulation. It is someone controlling you without your knowledge. Tornado types are passive aggressive and passionate.
The best way to move on is to cut ALL ties. Block their number. Delete them from social media channels (although most don’t have social media. They have to many secrets to be on something that brodxasts their business). Burn photos. Toss any belongings they left behind. Forbid their mention by friends and family.
It’s advisable not to go on private dates with someone new for a bit. All you do, after being under their spell, is compare the date to them. And as stated earlier- no one can compare. You’ll just feel worse if the wound is fresh. You’ll go home and want to call. You’ll feel like the price you pay for their actions is worth it if the new person on the date is all that’s out there. Get free of the stranglehold before attempting to try it with someone new.
Whatever you do, avoid dating someone because they remind you of the tornado. Unless you’re into emotional masochism.
Keep busy, like any break up, but it’s especially important after ending it with one of these types. You’ve just been had by a master manipulator, who, most likely, very intentionally did a number on your self confidence. You see, a strong, confident person usually can’t be taken advantage of. This is why I thought I was immune to the type’s influence. But as it turns out, even I, call fall victim. That means that no one should think it can’t happen to them. After all, I’ve never been had at age 41. Until now.
In closure, the best thing you can do for yourself after getting free from a tornado type, is the same thing that will be the best revenge- be happy, love life, move on, and whatever you do, don’t let them leave you bitter. Go out and risk it all for a shot at love. And don’t look in life’s rear view mirror. Ever. You’re forging ahead. Look to the promising horizons, where it’s sunny with no chance of storms- or tornados.